Missionary Dating – Not sure if you know the term or not.
When I was in the states the term referred to when a Christian would date someone who was a non-Christian with the hopes that they might come to Christ in the future.
Some people don’t have a problem with that and some do.
But for me here in La Paz the term takes on a little stronger meaning because I AM a missionary. And for me the term missionary dating just means…dating.
How do I do it? How do I navigate it?
It is one of the biggest questions that I am praying about right now. I want to be married. I want to be in a relationship but at what cost do I want to be in said relationship?
And just trust me when I tell you that there are options here in La Paz.
I realized the other day that, with regards to dating, I have the same struggles here in La Paz that I had in Atlanta. The basic problem is this: will I pursue someone that I have an amazing connection and chemistry with even though they might not have an intimate personal daily relationship with Christ? The problem is that, so far, the frequency of this problem is much greater here in Bolivia. Basically, there are many more opportunities for me to date here than there seemed to be back home.
Some reasons for this: I am a foreigner here. I have given up my life in the states to just serve others here and some girls just dig that sacrifice. Some girls just want a free ride to the states. I am different and some girls just like that. (You know how some girls in the states react sometimes when they meet a dude from another country and they hear that accent? Well that is my life here.) Plus I am just one hot dude. (Just kidding. Please.)
In the states after becoming a Christian I struggled with this from time to time. From time to time girls would come along that I felt a very strong chemistry with but they would be girls that did not necessarily share my spiritual beliefs. And sometimes I entertained the idea of dating them too long. I think sometimes I entertain dating non-Christians because deep down I don't really know if God will come through for me and bring me someone who I have an amazing connection with and someone who is also on fire for Him at the same time.
I have the same problem here. Is a faith in God and a belief in God enough of a value in someone that I might date? Or do I need someone who is so sold out to Christ that it makes me want to pursue Him more? These are my challenges and these are my questions.
And another layer of issues is that when I was in the states I really only felt accountable to God for who I hung out with and who I considered dating. But I have to tell you that now I feel accountable to so many more people. I still feel accountable to God of course but I also feel so accountable to my family, friends and church who are praying for me and who are financially supporting me to be here.
I kind of realized that my witness…my testimony is at stake based on my dating decisions. My reputation with the people that I am ministering to here in La Paz is at stake. My witness to everyone back home is at stake.
Really…the whole reason that God has me here is at stake.
But it is tough. Probably one of the toughest things I am dealing with right now. And I have received various pieces of counsel and advice. Some tell me to pick a date in the future when I will consider dating someone here. Basically, saying that since I just got here I don’t need to rush into anything and that it would be wise if I did not date for a certain defined period of time. Others have told me to just keep Christ at the center of whatever situation I am in. Others tell me that I just need to be up front with girls about my faith in Christ and if they are not down with that than they should only be friend material. Which is all easy to talk about and much much harder to do when you are here on the ground in another culture, in the battle, lonely and a girl shows a strong interest in you.
I know that I don’t ask for comments much on my Blog but I am asking today for your counsel and advice. I think that both Christians and non-Christians read my Blog and I am asking everyone to please comment.
What do you think about this? What is your advice to me as a missionary here in another culture who has a desire to date but who is scared of how I have handled these situations in the past?
The Bible talks about their being wisdom with many counselors.
So what better group of counselors than my Blog readers.
So please be my counselors. (You too Mom)
I want to hear it.
What is the wise thing for me to do with regards to dating?
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3 comments:
Curt,
I appreciate your blog and especially the creativity of Curt TV. This post resonated with me as I feel like I have felt your pain. While the Lord did a miracle for me, I dont have a lot of wisdom to share as I would never state my experience as a formula for others. But, I have been blessed beyond measure and while our blessing is in no way deserved, I do believe that Keri and I have reaped the fruit of obedience. Our separate but shared commitment to purity and waiting on the Lord has yielded amazing blessings. While trying not to get into any health and wealth stuff, Malachi 3:10 challenges us to test the Lord by our obedience and see if he wont open up His storehouse of blessing. Again, while not claiming that as a promise of prosperity and a supermodel, superchristian wife next week, I do believe that your commitment to purity and a high standard for the 2nd most important decision of your life will produce blessings that will blow your mind. Your commitment to waiting for a Christian girl who shares your understanding of ministry will be worth the wait and the Lord seems to have a fondness regarding the discipline of waiting. I pray for the continued development of your ministry and there is no doubt that there is nothing that will have more of an either positive or negative affect on your ministry than marriage.
Blessings,
Kirk Plattner, Jamaica
plattnerfamily.com
Hey Curt,
I may be able to offer some insight on the pain, uncertainty, disappointment, anxiety, and grief that dating people that don't have the same level of commitment to Christ can bring, because it's one of my fortes, apparently :). Both of the serious past relationships in my life have been of this flavor, and it totally sucks.
I don't know about waiting until a certain calendar date to start dating, but what may work is committing a certain amount of time to pray about only this issue, such as "I'll pray about this 4x/week until september", as well as committing to talk about this with your mentor/support team/whatever official support structure you have over there.
It's important to be free to have fun and get to know us lovely women folk, and treating every relationship like "could she be the one?!?" from the very beginning can put a death grip that is hard for any new relationship to survive.
But, on the flipside, like you said, dating is kind of less casual for you since you are in a serious ministry job where all of your interactions are meant to be ambassadorial for Christ (probably how we should all act, no matter what our day jobs are, but you know what I mean).
I don't feel like this comment has been very encouraging or helpful :).
The bottom line is, and something that I've seen over and over again in my life, is that God's got you on this. He knows what you want and what you need and wants to give you good gifts. And I don't believe that being in the right place at the right time, or praying at a certain hour, or any of these things is going to interfere with His perfect plan. Also, I don't believe that stumbling interferes with His big-picture plan, but it sure can screw things up in the short run, not to mention cause you alot of heartache.
Wow, what a gloomy comment.
Hey Curt,
When you have a minute, take a look at this blog:
http://ajoyfulhomemaker.blogspot.com/
This is one of my regular reads. Joy is a Christian wife who supports her missionary husband, is raising her five children in Indonesia and considers her main ministry to be her family. Whenever I read her blog, I pray for you to receive the blessing of a true Proverbs 31 woman. And if I, your earthly sister, want that for you, just think of how much more our Heavenly Father desires for you!
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31: 10 - 12
I agree with Kirk when he said "waiting for a Christian girl who shares your understanding of ministry will be worth the wait."
I love you, miss you and pray for you daily,
Missy
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