Sunday, November 18, 2007

Thermal Curtain Failure

Well my computer gave me the blue screen of death error message this weekend and it would not boot up properly. I spent the majority of my time and energy over the last few days trying to fix the error on my own. But I was also “supposedly” enjoying a spiritual retreat this weekend on Navarre Beach in Florida. It was going to be the perfect opportunity to get away and spend some quality time alone with God.

The issue with my laptop pretty much messed everything up and that’s a real shame because I didn’t even need my laptop this weekend yet I was still consumed beyond belief with fixing it. I am totally addicted to that thing. I could have put the laptop down, thanked God that I even have a laptop and enjoyed some quiet time with Him minus technology.

But as I came to realize this past weekend my laptop = my control. My laptop represents communication, emails, meetings, ministry, support, donations, etc…and when that crashes, I found out that I kinda crash myself. I am mad at myself for not reacting better when my computer crashed and I am frustrated that my computer is such an idol in my life. And I took out the anger that I felt towards myself on others by withdrawing and becoming silent. It wasn’t until last night when I really openly and honestly talked to God about the issue that I felt any better. Why can’t I involve Him in my everyday issues more?

I really need to realize that things are not always going to go according to plan and my response when things go wrong says a lot about where my focus is and where my priorities are. I let this computer issue prevent me from growing closer to God these past two days. I mean, I am about to move to Bolivia and things there are certainly not always going to go according to plan. And chances are it could be a much bigger deal than a stupid laptop.

How will I react the next time something in my life “crashes”?

The words God gave me through all of this were that I place way too much value on my laptop and also He reminded me that silence and withdrawing in no way shape or form build relationships.

Father, I beg you. Show me how to see the blessings when things go wrong because my natural tendency is to only focus on the negative and the problem at hand.

I need You to help me zoom out before I zoom in.

1 comment:

Joanie said...

Be thankful you're getting these lessons before you move. God has not given up on you! He's molding you so you'll be ready. Be thankful that your silly computer crashed! It's offered you a good lesson. I'm proud of you, even when things get all mixed up sometimes.